A common phrase that is used in the coaching world is, “I’m here to be your coach and not your friend.” This phrase lives in my head because I have some interesting thoughts on it. The reason for this is because I have been labeled as (and I see myself as) “a player’s coach.” This means that I will lean towards what the players want in situations that are up in the air. This can be a good and bad thing. The premise of the phrase has good points, but it also misses many key points of coaching in my opinion. 

Friendship- a relationship of mutual affection between people. This definition of what a friend is, seems very basic. It gets the point across but the definition of a “friend” is different for everyone. It is my belief that what a friend is, has become lazy. A friend is seen as someone you hang out with and have good times with. Nothing else. We live in a world where it is tough to find someone who will tell you the truth even if it isn’t convenient or easy. A friend is not seen as someone who will do this for you. That is why there are so many coaches who say they are not there to be your friend. It is also tough to be friends with those that you are in charge of. As coaches, we have to tell players who’s in the lineup, who’s on the bench, who’s not riding on the bus and even who gets cut. This type of relationship is really tough to have in a  friendship, because of the power one has over another. I try to make the playing field even as possible so that power is not an issue. I want to change the definition of what a friend means for the players that I coach. 

My definition: Friendship- A relationship that shows mutual respect for one another while enjoying one another’s company. 

This is the reason that I believe that a coach should be a friend to their players. This definition of a friend will help my players realize what it means to be someone’s friend. I have always expected this from my friends. I want them to tell me all the negatives that they see in me. I have one story as to why I feel so strongly about this. I was talking with one of my best friends and my wife one day in the fall after my senior season. I had just lost about 20 pounds because an Arizona Diamondbacks scout told me that losing weight would increase my chance at signing a contract. The topic of my weight loss was brought up, and it was worked into the conversation that my friend knew that scouts wanted me to lose weight. I was thinking wait……what? How did he know this? It was at one of my games where Cam (my friend) was sitting with a Rockies scout. Cam had just signed with the Rockies and I got brought up between the two of them. The scout  mentioned to Cam that I was overweight. When I heard this, I crumbled. My best friend knew that professional scouts wanted me to lose weight but they didn’t tell me because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings. This was a pivotal moment in my life because I knew I wanted to make sure that this didn’t happen to other people. 

I want my players to feel comfortable enough to tell me when they don’t like the practice plan. I want to be able to disagree with said player, have a friendly conversation about the disagreement, and resolve the practice plan. Then, I want to go up to that same player later in practice and be able to joke with him. Baseball players and coaches are together for a great deal of time. We are together more than we are our own families in the season. Do we really want to encourage a relationship where the two parties don’t feel comfortable enough to have a casual conversation? I don’t want that at all. I fell in love with baseball because of the mindless and great conversations that can happen in the dugout. In a tough season, you can’t let your players feel defeat 24/7. You have to be able to put it to the side, know the goal, and have fun. You only live life once, so make sure to surround yourself with the friends that hold you as accountable as your coaches did.